Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Monday, December 27, 2010
The Year 2010
As I am writing one of my last blogs of the year, I feel sad bidding 2010 goodbye, as I believe this year will prove to be the turning point of my life for reasons more than one. And this is a very strong feeling and I have many reasons to say that. But ahan........ won't write about the reasons now. You may think I am superstitious but I believe, I better not count the chickens before they hatch!!!!!.
But having said that, I promise whenever they hatch!!!.... I will write about the reasons and make a reference to this article:)...
2010 began with lot of hopes for me. One of the critical decisions of my life was at stake. And it gave me a reason to smile at the end as i finally succeeded in getting into core software development. Professionally it brought an exponential growth to my knowledge.
Personally I have been through many ups and downs, many breakups(with friends) and makeups. This year I celebrated one of the loneliest birthdays of my life. But I don't blame anybody as I have now learnt how to ride on both tides and ebbs of the ocean of life with equal ease(I earnestly hope I have learnt :(... ). Wouldn't like to elaborate much on that.
BUt here is what I expect from 2011....
1. A secret santa who will return the most precious gift of my life( I will explain this when this desire is fulfilled :) ..
2. My desire of contributing to a child's education and bonding with that child beautifully for life. No I have no intentions of adoptions. I aint as strong as likes of Sushmita Sen though i truly and hopelessly admire her strength. But all i want is to make a contribution in helping a child's dream of education come true.
3. To continue blogging and achieve new levels of intimacy with my own self through it.
4. To make a difference in everyone's lives whom i touch.
5. Last but not the least - TO BE LOVED...:)
Hope I aint asking for too much from 2011...:)
But having said that, I promise whenever they hatch!!!.... I will write about the reasons and make a reference to this article:)...
2010 began with lot of hopes for me. One of the critical decisions of my life was at stake. And it gave me a reason to smile at the end as i finally succeeded in getting into core software development. Professionally it brought an exponential growth to my knowledge.
Personally I have been through many ups and downs, many breakups(with friends) and makeups. This year I celebrated one of the loneliest birthdays of my life. But I don't blame anybody as I have now learnt how to ride on both tides and ebbs of the ocean of life with equal ease(I earnestly hope I have learnt :(... ). Wouldn't like to elaborate much on that.
BUt here is what I expect from 2011....
1. A secret santa who will return the most precious gift of my life( I will explain this when this desire is fulfilled :) ..
2. My desire of contributing to a child's education and bonding with that child beautifully for life. No I have no intentions of adoptions. I aint as strong as likes of Sushmita Sen though i truly and hopelessly admire her strength. But all i want is to make a contribution in helping a child's dream of education come true.
3. To continue blogging and achieve new levels of intimacy with my own self through it.
4. To make a difference in everyone's lives whom i touch.
5. Last but not the least - TO BE LOVED...:)
Hope I aint asking for too much from 2011...:)
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
How I Wish...
How I wish I was sunshine, spreading light all over, neither scared of the heights nor of the depths, travelling at an unstoppable speed...
How I wish I was a love letter reminding someone of the love spilling all over, bringing an ever lasting smile to that someone's face...
How I wish I was the sky reminding everyone that dare not mess with me, inspiring each one to accept the challenge to reach me and surpass me...
How I wish I was the heart, thudding with passion inside my beloved, supplying the blood of love to each and every vein and nerve...
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Why do we feel jealous?
Are we programmed to feel jealous when something we consider to be our possession goes on to become someone else's possession? I think, yes that is one of the basic human natures and we cannot erase it ever from our psyche. But having said that, each and every individual has a different degree of jealousy, and its never the same.
And also, we can be jealous about both inanimate and animate things alike. A child may be extremely jealous when his favorite toy is being given to his best friend, and may react by crying out aloud until his toy his returned to him.
As an adult we could be extremely jealous when someone whom we love starts showing interest in anybody apart from our own selves..
But why...??
It is because somewhere inside, we have given that thing, inanimate or animate, an important place in our lives and cannot think of parting with it, because we know it will pain to give away a part of our selves.
But jealousy is not always justified. At times, it could be just an over exaggeration of expression. And this form of jealousy is the outcome of deep insecurities. Insecurity here is the feeling that the thing or person whom we love could be snatched from us anytime.
I too suffer from this feeling many times. And I am still learning to deal with it......
And also, we can be jealous about both inanimate and animate things alike. A child may be extremely jealous when his favorite toy is being given to his best friend, and may react by crying out aloud until his toy his returned to him.
As an adult we could be extremely jealous when someone whom we love starts showing interest in anybody apart from our own selves..
But why...??
It is because somewhere inside, we have given that thing, inanimate or animate, an important place in our lives and cannot think of parting with it, because we know it will pain to give away a part of our selves.
But jealousy is not always justified. At times, it could be just an over exaggeration of expression. And this form of jealousy is the outcome of deep insecurities. Insecurity here is the feeling that the thing or person whom we love could be snatched from us anytime.
I too suffer from this feeling many times. And I am still learning to deal with it......
Friday, December 17, 2010
Mr And Miss Anita Sarkar
There she lied in a pool of blood in an unconscious state... with no one around to attend to her, with no one around to care for her.... and why should anyone care..?? For she had given birth to another girl to add to a brood of 5 girls and 2 boys.... Slowly she gained consciousness, cleaned the baby... and realized there was something scaringly weird about the baby... she received a sudden bolt from the blue when the reality that her baby was born neither a male nor a female dawned upon her.
Her heart would never accept that her child would grow up into what society terms as an eunuch. And she cried as everyone else showed false sympathy.
But this story is not about her, but her baby whom she lovingly named Anita. Anita was a playful and chubby child having equal number of friends from both the sexes, and would find it extremely difficult to understand why people treat her so differently... her mother would weep silently away from her child, hating herself all the more for giving her child such a world which gave nothing more than hatred, insult and contempt..
One day, a gang of eunuchs came to their village for begging... and they insisted that anita be given to them, as she belonged to their community. And the villagers too forced the family to oblige with the gang.
And the unthinkable happened......... Anita had to go with their gang.
Slowly days passed by, and anita's parents left no stone unturned to search for their child and were finally successful in doing so with the help of some local goons.
They brought their child home, made her finish schooling with great difficulty.
And today she teaches kindergarten kids in a local school and is lovingly known as Anita Miss. She still is reluctant to live without the fear of being abducted by the gang again, is very conscious about the beard that keeps growing on her face denying every faint feminine feeling to her, and equally conscious of her female features that make her continuously face the cruel reality that she hangs somewhere in between, that she is neither a man nor a woman.
But she at least lives with the satisfaction that she is not a burden on her parents, and is proud to have got such loving parents.
Guys, I may be horrible at story telling.. but is our society fair and just to everyone...?? we may hear a resounding yes from the urban population.... but the fact is we need to do something concrete and meaningful for this section of society for they too are born with every human feeling.
Her heart would never accept that her child would grow up into what society terms as an eunuch. And she cried as everyone else showed false sympathy.
But this story is not about her, but her baby whom she lovingly named Anita. Anita was a playful and chubby child having equal number of friends from both the sexes, and would find it extremely difficult to understand why people treat her so differently... her mother would weep silently away from her child, hating herself all the more for giving her child such a world which gave nothing more than hatred, insult and contempt..
One day, a gang of eunuchs came to their village for begging... and they insisted that anita be given to them, as she belonged to their community. And the villagers too forced the family to oblige with the gang.
And the unthinkable happened......... Anita had to go with their gang.
Slowly days passed by, and anita's parents left no stone unturned to search for their child and were finally successful in doing so with the help of some local goons.
They brought their child home, made her finish schooling with great difficulty.
And today she teaches kindergarten kids in a local school and is lovingly known as Anita Miss. She still is reluctant to live without the fear of being abducted by the gang again, is very conscious about the beard that keeps growing on her face denying every faint feminine feeling to her, and equally conscious of her female features that make her continuously face the cruel reality that she hangs somewhere in between, that she is neither a man nor a woman.
But she at least lives with the satisfaction that she is not a burden on her parents, and is proud to have got such loving parents.
Guys, I may be horrible at story telling.. but is our society fair and just to everyone...?? we may hear a resounding yes from the urban population.... but the fact is we need to do something concrete and meaningful for this section of society for they too are born with every human feeling.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Unfulfilled Promise...
As a child, along with my parents I used to frequently visit my mother's native place, which is a small village in the state of Orissa, India. And here I must say, those were the best memories of my childhood. But this blog is to pay remembrance to a person, to whom I still owe a promise and could never fulfill it.
Here goes the story of an old woman whom I fondly remember as mahanta maa. she was a tall stout lady defying her age completely, and used to live in the house that was diagonally opposite to my grandparents house. And none of our annual meetings was devoid of those beautiful and earthy evenings where I used to go to mahanta maa's muddy but clean house, sit on the verandah of her house and listen to some beautifully narrated stories by her.
Some time those stories were her own. Being married at an early age of 15, having lost her husband a year after , and then being a single parent to her only son, she proved that she doesn't need to be born in the 21st century to be a strong and independent woman.
As the years passed by, our friendship deepened and she made a permanent place in my naive heart.
And on one such visit, while we were leaving for delhi after spending some wonderful days in that place, I visited mahanta maa, which I would later realize was the last visit I would ever pay her. And she took a promise, a promise that I would regularly write letters to her and gave me the address to which I should write to.
After coming back to delhi, I attempted to write a letter many times but could never post it due to some reason or the other. And on one eventful day, we got a news that she is no more and that she succumbed to old age. I was so deeply pained that I never wrote a letter after that in my life....
And the guilt of an unfulfilled promise hasn't left me even after so many years and probably I will have to live with it for the rest of my life....
Here goes the story of an old woman whom I fondly remember as mahanta maa. she was a tall stout lady defying her age completely, and used to live in the house that was diagonally opposite to my grandparents house. And none of our annual meetings was devoid of those beautiful and earthy evenings where I used to go to mahanta maa's muddy but clean house, sit on the verandah of her house and listen to some beautifully narrated stories by her.
Some time those stories were her own. Being married at an early age of 15, having lost her husband a year after , and then being a single parent to her only son, she proved that she doesn't need to be born in the 21st century to be a strong and independent woman.
As the years passed by, our friendship deepened and she made a permanent place in my naive heart.
And on one such visit, while we were leaving for delhi after spending some wonderful days in that place, I visited mahanta maa, which I would later realize was the last visit I would ever pay her. And she took a promise, a promise that I would regularly write letters to her and gave me the address to which I should write to.
After coming back to delhi, I attempted to write a letter many times but could never post it due to some reason or the other. And on one eventful day, we got a news that she is no more and that she succumbed to old age. I was so deeply pained that I never wrote a letter after that in my life....
And the guilt of an unfulfilled promise hasn't left me even after so many years and probably I will have to live with it for the rest of my life....
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Today....
I feel empty while I write this ....... I feel vague .. But will still try my best to give my feelings , the wings of words... and let them fly to another sky where they can be seen and heard, where they can be cared for like a dove by tender hands and held close to a heart like a long lost beloved ...
There is no pain, there is no joy, there are no sorrows and no signs of happiness in the horizon yet.... I don't know what I truly want... All I feel is lost somewhere , not knowing where to go or what to do.....
But I will still wait for uuu.........................
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