The Phoenix..

Tiny hands clad with dust and dirt, lifting  bricks and cement,
keeping them on his head, Climbing the dangerously ascending half constructed stairs,

Dizzy in the head, hungry in the stomach,
cold in the body , sad in the heart,
still pulling out every bit of strength from the core of his existence
to just go on and on..

For if he stops, he knows not what awaits him next,
he knows not where to hide, he knows not where to go and cry,
he knows not whether he ll be alive..

What must be the thoughts crossing his mind..
Why him ? Why was he chosen to suffer like this,
while others go to school and have an education,  have parents to hug,
siblings to share with, a home to come back to , a cosy bed to sleep and so much love..

What must be his crime..? He thinks probably he is some other species who looks like human,
but not exactly a human.. for if he was human , Wouldn't have other humans shown compassion,
for if he was human , no one would have dared to punch him in his stomach for asking for a tiny morsel of food,
for if he was human , he would not have been forced to search for food from a garbage bin along side a few dogs..

The dog was dearer to him than any human , as he could connect with him ,
feel the pain of hunger when he howls, could hug him without being kicked for being a dirty creature..

One day when he had put his head between his knees and had gone into a light state of trance(neither sleep nor awake) after sobbing for a while,
he felt a gentle touch of hands stroking his head..

So wonderful it felt that , a flurry of thoughts ran through his mind..
"Is it how it feels the touch of a parent.. or wait is he god himself??"
For nothing had felt like this in his entire tiny life of 9 years...

The person standing before him wearing a gentle smile on his face,  held his hand tightly
took him to a place called "home" and hugged him..

The boy shivered in utter disbelief..
"How can someone behave with him in this way",
expecting a punch anytime coz that's what many well behaved and seemingly gentle people have done to him in the past..

His angel gave him some food to eat , and some clothes to wear,
and told him "You are going to school soon.."

Not understanding what is going around him , or what a school is..
he just nodded his head ......

A few years down the lane , after failing in a single class for quite a number of times..
this boy finally managed to have a grip on his academics and became a clerk at a reputed bank with the help of his angel's dedication and hard work....

Thus, rising above the horizon like a powerful "Phoenix" from the ashes....
leaving behind every bad memory of past...


Note: Not every child is as lucky to have an angel or godfather/godmother like this kid had. I know not many of us are capable of supporting a child, as illustrated
in this piece of writing of mine. But friends , do have the heart to call 1098(children helpline in India) whenever you come across child labor . Let's try to do our bit. Thanks.

A tribute to my first pet - my cat

When the hopes were dim , enthusiasm low,
future obscure with clouds of doubt ,

I needed someone ,
to hug me and say it was alright to fail ,
that it was alright to stay behind in the race

I needed someone to not judge me by the marks I score ,
or the clothes I wear , or the rules I follow..

Oh ofcourse , I had my parents , and my brother
but what I needed at that phase , was some 
love as well as aloneness , and the non-commitment to answer anything ,

Well , that was asking for too much I thought ,
but all of a sudden, as if an answer from the heavens,
popped up a cute flurry face at my window sill one day,

Oh such a cute face it was, the lovely eyes, the tiny lips,
majestic whiskers , and naughty tail , enough to knock me out of my feet to say 'Wowww..'

The love affair starring kitty and me had just begun ,
Oh what a time of my life that was ...

With her, there was nothing to prove,
nothing to hide, her meowing and purring music to my ears

there was a baby in her, who needed to be cared , who needed to be forgiven for mischiefs,
who taught me to how to care for someone, to be responsible in my life,

The secret that no one knows till now is that
kitty was my sleep mate...
with her rounding up and sleeping next to me ,
I couldn't have asked for more trust , more love ..

Then there was time to say 'GoodBye', the hardest 'GoodBye' I have ever said in my life..

I miss you my baby doll,
Hope you are happy wherever you are, and I wish we can be together in some other life again,
Love you lots my furry ball of love ...

The equation of 'Imposed' Relationships

Hi Friends, I know I am writing after a long time . Sorry , a few things in my life were demanding more attention and space from me than expected, hence this long a pause in my love of 'pushing the pen or rather my laptop keys ;)'.

The caption of this post may make you think that I am going to vent out my feelings of frustration/anger in this space. You may be right to an extent , but not entirely . It's more of just expressing how I feel about certain things / beliefs/structures in our society 'as it is' without any exaggeration or manipulation. Till date , I have never understood why certain or most parts of society believe that after marriage , it is solely the bride's responsibility to keep the groom's family happy and contented . Then why do the wise say that marriage is a union of two souls .... Rather they should have said that it is a union of a master and a slave , where the slave is supposed to not only serve the master but also his family , no matter how mannerless idiots they appear to be.

When we were kids, we used to think that when we grow up into adults , our generation won't have to go through all these non-sensical ideas propagated by semi-educated /illiterate people . But Alas, here we are still fighting for the most basic of human rights - the right to live according to our own wishes and choices. Although many women are doing so , but not without struggles.

The moment, a daughter-in-law comes to the house , this class of people believe they have purchased a new 'toy' for themselves whose emotions they can play with, mouth-off harsh and malicious comments on her and her family, making her realize at every step that she is a subservient to them . The sad thing is only a few girls stand up for themselves because they fear so many things - the fear of being outcasted by the society , lack of financial independence, or simply being too lazy to even stand up against what they think is so incorrect.

And the result is a vicious cycle of churning more and more hypocrites, who under the name of 'culture' promote this obsolete way of differentiating between a man's right and a woman's right. These hypocrites think that a woman's primary and only duty is to only satisfy or fulfill the man's needs, obey his commands and be a good bahu(daughter-in-law), a good patni(wife) in short be like a gaai(cow) in their parlance.

Then why should the girl be educated at all , when all she is going to be is like a gaai.... ( a faithful cow who doesn't have any primary desires of her own and who knows only to nourish others and sacrifice for others) .

We always talk of growing imbalance of sex-ratio in our country, the current stat being 914 girls for 1000 boys i.e. 86 girls less for each thousand of boys . Don't you think these stats have a strong reason behind them , a gory and most heinous of stories to tell. In India, we always try to look at the surface, rather than probing deep. We blame the doctors for sex-determination tests , parents for killing their female foetuses inside the womb . But do we ever realize what is causing them ? I agree, that it is the most dastardly and hateful of crimes that mankind is capable of committing , but mates have you ever realized what is causing these acts ?

It is the same class of hypocrites , who are to be blamed. If a girl is born and brought up only to eventually bring insult to herself and her family, why go through the pain of giving birth to a daughter , why not abort her and save her from a life full of slavery and insult . This is how the parents probably think while committing the crime of aborting their own child . And they are not the lone culprits. The major culprit is the system that we have cultivated in our society.

The system of differentiating between a male's and female's right to their own lives. The thought that a boy becomes a god for his wife (pati parmatma) after wedding . The thought that a son-in-law has the right to behave however he wants with his in-laws, but a daughter-in-law has to treat everyone(even the younger members of the family) in the groom's family like demigods. These things have to be changed and they are not very difficult to get-rid of.

The solution is to empathize with others feelings(irrespective of gender) and not think that the female gender is differently made. And off course good education (not the kind of education that is sought only to earn a degree) and last but not the least , a basic amount of spiritual dosage .
Bhagavad-gita says a soul at times incarnates as a male and at times as a female. Hence, at the soul level there is no difference between being a male or a female.

At the end, I cannot say 'Hope you enjoyed my post friends' , but I  would rather like to close by saying 'Hope I could make some sense friends'.......................

Walking down the memory lane .....

Walking down the memory lane,
is sweet like rose petals kissing my cheek..
fresh like seeing the rising sun..
tangy like having a tamarind with a dash of sugar..


Playing under the sun with an unhibited carelessness
putting mounds of earth in my small frock
Gazing through the little kanchas(glass balls)
is what I treasure the most after growing up.. 


The joy of hopping and not walking at all,
holding each of my parents hand on either side
while taking an evening stroll with them is 
a priceless treasure that can never be encashed..


The dread of sitting to study maths from my father is
unmatched till date.... 
Not even failing in any of the prestigious entrance exam can 
match the fear generated by it in those little eyes !!


The arrival of adolescence with an unfelt dreamy fragrance ,
bringing with it so many dreams and expectations from life,
from getting a cute, caring, understanding, broad-minded,
educated, sought after guy to cracking the most prestigious of
the entrance exams in the country...


And here I am now, 
with some achievements, some regrets..
some mistakes , much aware of the bitter realities of life..
but ready to face them if not with a smile on my face(yet to learn that !!!)
but an acceptance in my heart..

The people and culture of Meghalaya

I have lived in Shillong, the capital of Meghalaya for 4 years. And it was a beautiful city to live in . Its a hill station and a traveller's paradise, especially for one who wants to have a special tryst with mother nature.

The population of Meghalaya mainly comprises of three tribes - Khasi, Jaintia and garo and belong to Proto Austroloid Monkhmer race.

A large percentage of the population of Shillong belongs to the Khasi tribe. They mainly inhabit the eastern part of Meghalaya in the khasi and jaintia hills. 

Dress:

The traditional female dress, better known as "jainsem" is a two pieces of material pinned at the shoulder and a "tapmohkhlieh" or shawl, giving the body a cylindrical shape. On ceremonial occasions, a crown of silver or gold is worn on the head. A spike or peak is fixed to the back of the crown, corresponding to the feathers worn by menfolk.

The khasi traditional male dress, known as "Jymphong" is a longish sleeveless coat without collar , fastened by throngs in front. But they have turned to the western attire in a big way - trousers and blazer/shirt. Jymphong is worn with dhoti only on ceremonial occasions, usually along with an ornamental waist band.

Social Structure:

The main difference of Khasis which sets them apart from other tribes is that in Khasis the descendents are recognised from Mother and not from Father (Matrilineal Society). This is the unique feature of Khasi Tribe. The children inherit the mother's title and property. According to Khasi Laws the Marriage is purely a Civil Contract. Arrangd marriages do occur but not in a preferred form. Young men and women are given freedom to choose their mates. According to Law, a woman cannot be forced into marriage; she owns the children and properties. A woman may end the marriage at her will with no objection from her husband. The youngest daughter is the custodian of the family property.


 Inheritance:

Khasis follow a matrilineal system of inheritance. In the Khasi society, it is only the youngest daughter or 'Ka Khadduh'; who is eligible to inherit the ancestral property.

If 'Ka Khadduh' dies without any daughter surviving her, her next elder sister inherits the ancestral property, and after her, the youngest daughter of that sister. Failing all daughters and their female issues, the property goes back to the mother';s sister, mother';s sister';s daughter and so on.

The Ka Khadduh';s property is actually the ancestral property and so if she wants to dispose it off, she must obtain consent and approval of the uncles and brothers.

Among the War-Khasis, however property passes to the children, male or female, in equal shares but among the War-Jaintias, only the female children get the inheritance.

Religion:

The Khasis are now mostly Christians. But before that, they believed in a Supreme Being, The Creator - U Blei Nongthaw and under Him, there were several deities of water and of mountains and also of other natural objects. The Khasi believe in a creator god (U Blei Nong-thaw) who is considered feminine in gender (Ka lei Synshar). She is invoked when sacrifices are offered and during times of trouble. The propitiation of good and evil spirits is also part of this system, as is the worship of ancestors. The following major spirits are worshiped: Ulei Muluk (god of the state); Ulei Umtang (god of drinking water and cooking water); Ulei Longspah (god of wealth); and O Ryngkew or U Basa Shnong (tutelary deity of the village).

Food:

Khasi usually take two meals a day, one in the early morning and the other in the evening. They are nonvegetarians, eating pork, beef, and chicken, as well as the flesh of many wild animals. They are said to enjoy a curry made from a particular kind of green frog. Dried fish with rice is a staple of the Khasi diet. When rice is not available, millet or Job's tears (the seeds of the grass Coix lacryma-jobi) is used instead. The inner bark of the wild sago palm is dried and made into a sweet, reddish flour and mixed with rice or eaten in the form of cakes. Milk and milk products are not used, a trait common among peoples of Mongoloid descent. This no doubt reflects the high incidence of lactose malabsorption (the inability of the body to use milk) that is found among peoples of this ethnic background. Beer made from rice or millet is widely consumed by the Khasi, as well as being used for ritual purposes. Some clans among the Khasi have specific food taboos originating, most likely, from totemic considerations.

Death:

Upon death, the body is kept for three days so that the loved ones can come and pay homage to the dead, after which it is buried ceremoniously.

Real Beauty Through My Eyes....

What is Beauty? According to Wikipedia, beauty is a characteristic of a person, animal, place, object, or idea that provides a perceptual experience of pleasure, meaning, or satisfaction.  

In my words, I describe beauty as that captivating feeling, the one that makes u look at the source of beauty with great awe;  it just infuses such a feel-good emotion, similar to the one while having our favorite chocolates!, but much greater in magnitude.

But real beauty is something that is persistent, that can keep the beholder captivated for a much longer time. And in my view, real beauty is a combination of looks and personality. Even with average features, a person can become very beautiful if he/she has the right attitude and personality to carry it!

In context of a woman, here is how I describe real beauty !

Your face so beautiful,
enchanted my soul ,
The twinkle in your eyes ,
the softness in your voice,
the confidence in your gait,
envied by many,

You were born to show the light,
to millions like you ,
rotting in the abyss of stubborn and useless traditions,

Yes, you were the daughter, the sister,
the wife, the mother,
Your tender touch, enriching many barren and dry lives !

But your most important identity was you, yourself !
You the person, with your strengths and weaknesses !

You made your own choices in life !
No you didn't want to rebel !
But career and love are sacred !
and u were the best judge of your own decisions !

A few thought u were reckless !
But deep inside, you were a child who needed to be pampered,
who needed to be loved, who needed to be assured that she is the most adorable !

Deep inside, you wished you were not the rebel,
you were made out to be,
you wished you didn't have to tire yourself with an attempt to live
your own life wishfully !

But you would rise above this tiredness very soon,
to continue inspiring many...
to continue enriching others lives...
and most importantly ,
To continue being the UN-ADULTERATED You, the BEAUTIFUL You....

My woman is strong yet sensitive,  tough yet caring, does have her own lows , but comes out strongly with flying colors, winning the world with her charm ! 

Someone has rightly said... 

 
“Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart.”  

Want to know more about real beauty ? Discover it here...

I am so frustrated ! I didn't get the entry ticket and a chance to meet jerry !!!

Lost in this world ....

Lost as I feel in this world ! I need a touch of love !
There u were standing amidst a crowd ! No my eyes didn't miss u !
But I can never beat that ever evading nature of yours....
You took less than a quarter second to vanish ..
Whether u lived in my mind or my heart or both, was still not clear...
But all I know is, I need you dear alien.....
For I don't find any love on this earth....

My Favourite Love Story!

It happened when I was nine years of age. Since my father is in defense most of my childhood years were spent in  beautifully barricaded residential campuses. As I rewind back , I remember a huge construction project(probably for the construction of new quarters) being undertaken in our neighborhood. And the sight of construction workers carrying bricks, mortar and cement on their heads in the scorching summer, and ascending on the seemingly fragile wooden framework of ladders on half-constructed buildings was a rare sight for me, but not a happy one. I would always feel they could fall off the dangerous heights any time and that would make me sad.


But it always was a happy sight to see their lively kids, most of whom were in the age group of 4 to 10,  play under the street lights , from the first floor balcony of our apartment. I would always feel delighted to see their excitement and happiness . I never interfered with their play, but used to  silently observe and listen to their playful talks. I would always feel like joining them, but the fear of getting harsh scoldings from my parents was enough to stop me... !!! :(


I remember one day sneaking out of my house with my teddy bear , with the intention of having a playful time with the gang. As I went near them, I immediately realized that one of  them,   a very small girl  staring or rather greedily looking at my teddy bear with undivided attention. And within a minute, she started crying and demanding for it...!!!


I felt very bad for her but felt equally angry , as that teddy was one of my favorite toys, and more for the reason that it was gifted by my grandfather, who was no more. I would never part with it for anything in the world, including any number of chocolates , ice creams  or any other more expensive gifts, not even for the most beautiful barbie doll!.


I stood there for around five minutes waiting for the girl to stop crying , so that I could start playing with them..!!! But that never happened. And it was then that a boy approached me and said " mere pas sirf 1 Rs hai aur mujhko wo bhalu dukandar nahi dega.... Mujhe aapka bhalu chahiye"  that is "I have only 1 rs and the shopkeeper wont give me the bear that you have.. and I want that" ... I felt even more angry.... And I replied with a stern "no".


After which, he started sobbing and said .."main usse shadi karunga aur mere pas koi gift nahi hai usko dene k liye" (ie I want to marry her and I have nothing to gift her"


 I  melted at that point of time like a  chocolate in the  mouth. I  had always dreamt of a prince charming who would say that and do  what that boy was doing, to me even at that age....:)


  So , I decided to part with the teddy, helping them  have a happy end or rather a happy beginning !!!. Though It made me feel extremely sad , It also made me extremely happy that I helped a handsome prince charming win a beautiful princess!!! so what if they were just 6 years of age!!!!


They went hand in hand with the girl holding the teddy happily and slowly faded away into their tin den ( the unison of tin roofed houses where all the construction workers  were staying ) , unsure of their education and their health, but sure of the innocent love in their hearts for each other...!!!


Soon the project came to a completion and the tin houses vanished from the vicinity, and I was left missing my teddy miserably!!! But my little heart was so happy to witness a beautifully blossoming love story!!!




Guys if you have a similar story, in which you experienced a magical moment when you felt two strongly opposite emotions? Love/Hate? Elation/Sadness? Anger/Sympathy? The desire to move forward yet run away at the same time? Please share your stories on this link www.facebook.com/closeupindia or as a comment to this post. Would love to hear them!!!
 

How It feels like to be helpless...

This happened almost about a week back!! On my way to a friends' place falls a mosque, a very old and large one. As I was walking along that particular road, I saw an old man, probably in his sixties holding a white cane in one of his hands and waving the other one in the air from time to time. The sight of white cane made me realize at once, that he is visually challenged and needs help to cross the road. The man was wearing very shabby and torn clothes and an off-white skull cap(trademark of muslim men) that had almost turned brown due to dust and dirt.


How helpless a human being can get?? is what I asked almighty that day. My heart moved by the sight, my eyes almost moist, but my mind still in a dilemma.... whether to help the man cross the road , or move ahead leaving him behind in a helpless state , like almost all the people on the road at that point of time. In this mind vs heart battle, my mind won over by convincing my heart that it wouldn't be a good thing to touch such a dirty and unhygienic person in front of so many people. But the most valid argument that it put across my heart was that you never know.... that man could be one of those classic perverts , famously shown in so many movies  and from my own experiences too, waiting to be touched by women and  young girls...


So I moved on, listening to my mind but after leaving the man a few steps behind a strange guilt caught hold me.. My heart said.. "What's wrong with you Pratibha...??  You are a person who believes so much in social equality and human emotions.. I can't believe you did this..." And I turned back........ I saw the man still standing at the same point, waving his hand , muttering a few unclear words. I started moving towards him to help him.


I finally decided to hold his hand and make him cross the road, despite the thing that I would surely get the strangest of looks from the crowd. But I moved at a steady pace. But just as I was a few inches away from him, I saw a able bodied beggar hold the man's hand and help him cross the road...!!!


I know I could not help him , But somehow I freed myself of the guilt which would otherwise have remained in me , for  I dont know how long.... !!!

Bangalore Indiblogger #AkshayaPatra Meet

I attended the first bloggers meet in bangalore on the 9th of jan, 2011 , which was organized by indiblogger in collaboration with akshaya patra(ISCKON). And it was wonderful meeting such a huge plethora of talented people from all over the country.

From technology bloggers, to poets, to bloggers who write satire,  it felt really special to be amidst a versatile crowd. The event was held at the multivision theatre , ISCKON , Bangalore. It was supposed to start at 12.30 pm, but somehow got delayed by almost an hour. I reached the temple premises around 12.45 pm but could only reach the theatre by 1.15, but it was a huge relief seeing the refreshments kept at the entrance of the theatre, as I was dead tired due to my journey from home at the peak of the day , when sun was directly above my head, or rather everyone's heads.. this is what they say about 12 in the noon right!!!

We entered the hall after logging in with our indiblogger id's at the laptops kept at the entrance, and immediately after that we could see our names on the two huge screens, behind the centerstage that said something like "Pratibha Mohanty entered 0 seconds back".. Wow it felt amazing to be welcomed that way..!!!

After each one of the 277 bloggers entered the hall, the event kick started with  the introductory speech from the indiblogger team. And that was followed by speeches by the founding fathers of the akshaya patra organization. They spoke at length about how the organization started, mid-day meal programs, and their target of feeding about 20,00,000 hungry children by 2020. It was very motivating to hear the story of the largest operational NGO in our country.

Next on the agenda was the program known as "60 Top Bloggers" wherein 60 bloggers amongst 277 people were picked to speak. And I was one of those 60. It was fun hearing other bloggers introduce themselves in their signature styles..And each of the 60 people received a photobook from akshaya patra..:)

After that came the most fun part of the event... We were all given chart papers and sketch pens and were asked to hang them at our backs by a single thread around our necks and we were supposed to write comments on others backs and allow comments on our backs too. The motive was to allow maximum interaction between fellow bloggers.

The day ended with we receiving a cool t-shirt which had the following tagline "INDIAN BY BIRTH BLOGGER BY CHOICE"

How I welcomed 2011...

Sorry for writing so late guys... I know I should have written this post 2 days back! But never mind!!! I am back to share the story with all u people out there who care to read my blogs!!! It felt amazing  spending new  year's eve with a bunch of female friends, and I can say it was the best new year's celebration for me over last three years taken together.  We ordered food from outside, gyrated to numbers like sheila ki jawani, and munni badnaam hui and likes, burst crackers at midnight , in short had a gala gala time.


It was a beautiful night full of lights in the sky and sparks inside the house(hehe please don't take this sentence in the wrong sense guys) . What I meant was there was so much melodrama going inside... this space is not enough for me to give a complete description.


There were intensely sweet talks on the phone obviously with their respective guys, there were catfights( 3 cats vs. 1 human ie me) and over what....???


Any guesses....??????


Well!! It was over the color of the nail paint that i was putting on my nails. You may be thinking I must be insane decorating my nails on that particular day when I was supposed to be  having just plain fun!!!


Well Poor me!!! I was the only daisy duck left among three donald ducks(jus kidding), trying to do something feminine... (again kidding). I just meant that the other gals decided to drink and I just opted out of the option. I totally am aware that drinking is no longer a male bastion, and I am not averse to girls drinking either. But that was a personal choice for me to opt out of it.


But those donald ducks din't take to the color of my nail paint lightly...!!! and all sort of accusations were hurled at me..
From trying to be someone whom I am not... To using a wrong color... To trying to woo someone .... and the list goes on!! And  Can you imagine all three pouncing on me for this stupid reason.


But what they possibly didn't know was I can defend my turf!!! like a true champion!!!(no giggles here guys, i am sure I am one when it comes to standing up for things I believe in doing.) If they can change from non-drinkers to drinkers... then why cant I Put the wildest color possible in imagination on my nails...!!! Its totally my call... And even if I am trying to woo somebody... that's none of anyone's business.


Atleast I don't chicken out of situations where I need to accept what I do. If ever in future I decide to drink, I wont hide it ever from people except my parents(coz they won't understand).


After defending my point successfully!!! the good times resumed and we continued having fun till the wee hours of 1st of jan which was again spent very beautifully....!!!!:)

Wish Everyone A Happy New Year 2011.

The Year 2010

As I am writing one of my last blogs of the year, I feel sad bidding 2010 goodbye, as I believe this year will prove to be the turning point of my life for reasons more than one. And this is a very strong feeling and I have many reasons to say that. But ahan........ won't write about the reasons now. You may think I am superstitious but I believe, I better not count the chickens before they hatch!!!!!.

But having said that, I promise whenever they hatch!!!.... I will write about the reasons and make a reference to this article:)...

2010 began with lot of hopes for me. One of the critical decisions of my life was at stake. And it gave me a reason to smile at the end as i finally succeeded in getting into core software development. Professionally it brought an exponential growth to my knowledge.

Personally I  have been through many ups and downs, many breakups(with friends) and makeups. This year I celebrated one of the loneliest birthdays of my life. But I don't blame anybody as I have now learnt how to ride on both tides and ebbs of the ocean of life with equal ease(I earnestly hope I have learnt :(... ). Wouldn't like to elaborate much on that.

 BUt here is what I expect from 2011....

1. A secret santa who will return the most precious gift of my life( I will explain this when this desire is fulfilled :) ..

2.     My desire of contributing to a child's education and bonding with that child beautifully for life. No I have no intentions      of adoptions. I aint as strong as likes of Sushmita Sen though i truly and hopelessly admire her strength. But all i want is  to make a contribution in helping a child's dream of education come true.

3. To continue blogging and achieve new levels of intimacy with my own self through it.

4. To make a difference in everyone's lives whom i touch.

5. Last but not the least - TO BE LOVED...:)


Hope I aint asking for too much from 2011...:)

How I Wish...

How I wish I was a butterfly, tiny yet beautiful, hovering around the flowers, enjoying the beauty abound...

How I wish I was  sunshine, spreading light all over, neither scared of the heights nor of the depths, travelling at an unstoppable speed...

How I wish I was a love letter reminding someone of the love spilling all over, bringing an ever lasting smile to that someone's face...

How I wish I was the sky reminding everyone that dare not mess with me, inspiring each one to accept the challenge to reach me and surpass me...

How I wish I was the heart, thudding with passion inside  my beloved, supplying the blood of love to each and every vein and nerve...

Why do we feel jealous?

Are we programmed to feel jealous when  something we consider to be our possession goes on to become someone else's possession? I think, yes that is one of the basic human natures and we cannot erase it ever from our psyche. But having said that, each and every individual has a different degree of jealousy, and its never the same.

And also, we can be jealous about both inanimate and animate things alike. A child may be extremely jealous when his favorite  toy  is being given to his best friend, and may react by crying out aloud until his toy his returned to him.
As an adult we could be extremely jealous when someone whom we love starts showing interest in anybody apart from our own selves..

But why...??

It is because somewhere inside, we have given that thing, inanimate or animate, an important place in our lives and cannot  think of parting with it, because we know  it will pain to give away a part of our selves.

But jealousy is not always justified. At times, it could be just an over exaggeration of expression. And this form of jealousy is the outcome of deep insecurities. Insecurity here is the feeling that the thing or person whom we love could be snatched from us anytime.

I too suffer from this feeling many times. And I am still learning to deal with it......

Mr And Miss Anita Sarkar

There she lied in a pool of blood in an unconscious state... with no one around to attend to her, with no one around to care for her.... and why should anyone care..?? For she had given birth to another girl to add to a brood of 5 girls and 2 boys.... Slowly she gained consciousness, cleaned the baby... and realized there was something scaringly weird about the baby... she received a sudden bolt from the blue when the reality that her baby was born neither a male nor a female dawned upon her.


Her heart would never accept that her child would grow up into what society terms as an eunuch. And she cried as everyone else showed false sympathy.


But this story is not about her, but her baby whom she lovingly named Anita. Anita was a  playful and chubby child having equal number of friends from both the sexes, and would find it extremely difficult to understand why people treat her so differently... her mother would weep silently away from her child, hating herself all the more for giving her child such a world which gave nothing more than hatred, insult and contempt..


One day, a gang of eunuchs came to their village for begging... and they insisted that anita be given to them, as she belonged to their community. And the villagers too forced the family to oblige with the gang.


And the unthinkable happened......... Anita had to go with their gang.


Slowly days passed by, and anita's parents left no stone unturned to search  for  their  child and were  finally successful in doing so with the help of some local goons.


They brought their child home, made her finish schooling with great difficulty.


And today she teaches kindergarten kids in a local school and is lovingly known as Anita Miss. She still is reluctant to live without the  fear of being abducted by the gang again, is very conscious about the beard that keeps growing on her face denying every faint feminine feeling to her, and equally conscious of her female features that make her continuously  face the cruel reality that she hangs somewhere in between, that she is neither a man nor a woman.


But she at least lives with the satisfaction that she is not a burden on her parents, and is proud to have got such loving parents.




Guys, I may be horrible at story telling.. but is our society fair and just to everyone...?? we may hear a resounding yes from the urban population.... but the fact is we need to do something concrete and meaningful for this section of society for they too are born with every human feeling.

Unfulfilled Promise...

As a child, along with my parents I used to frequently visit my mother's native place, which is a small village in the state of Orissa, India. And here I must say, those were the best memories of my childhood. But this blog is to pay remembrance to a person, to whom I still owe a promise and could never fulfill it.

Here goes the story of an old woman whom I fondly remember as mahanta maa. she was a tall stout lady defying her age completely, and used to live in the house that was diagonally opposite to my grandparents house. And none of our annual meetings was devoid of those beautiful and earthy evenings where I used to go to mahanta maa's muddy but clean house, sit on the  verandah of her house and listen to some beautifully narrated stories by her.

Some time those stories were her own.  Being married at an early age of 15, having lost her husband  a  year after , and then being a single parent to her only son, she proved that she doesn't need to be born in the 21st century to be a strong and independent woman.

As the years passed by, our friendship deepened and she made a permanent place in my naive heart.

And on one such visit, while we were leaving for delhi after spending some wonderful days in that place, I visited mahanta maa, which I would later realize was the last visit I would ever pay  her. And she took a promise, a promise that I would regularly write letters to her and gave me the address to which I should write to.

After coming back to delhi, I attempted to write a letter many times but could never post it due to some reason or the other. And on one eventful day, we got a news that she is no more and that she succumbed to old age. I was so deeply pained that I never wrote a letter after that in my life....

And the guilt of an unfulfilled promise hasn't left me even after so many  years and probably I will have to live with it for the rest of my life....
   

Today....

I feel empty  while I write this ....... I feel vague ..  But will still try my best to give my feelings , the wings of words... and let them fly to another sky where they can be seen and heard, where they can be cared for like a dove by tender hands and held close to a heart like a long lost beloved ...

There is no pain, there is no joy, there are no sorrows and no signs of happiness in the horizon yet.... I don't know what I truly want... All I feel is lost somewhere , not knowing where to go or what to do.....

But I will still wait for uuu.........................

What is Antimatter and how do we know it exists?

My Take On It - Well it has been said by not one, but most of the spiritual camps of the world that spirits and almost everything beyond our senses is made of antimatter, something that is complementary to matter but has contradictory properties. And, that is what makes this whole affair completely fascinating to me!!! In this Article, I have used an amalgam of research articles on antimatter, so go ahead and have a read yourself...!!!

INTRODUCTION

Antimatter is simply a substance that has some opposite qualities of regular matter.

To explain this more fully, atoms make up everything we see. Just as water is made of hydrogen and oxygen atoms, so it is with every other substance. The atoms, in turn, are made up of electrons, protons, and neutrons. Electrons each have a single negative charge, protons have a single positive charge, and neutrons have no charge at all.

The first antimatter particle discovered was the positron, or anti-electron. It has exactly the same mass as an electron, but it has a single positive charge. Using particle accelerators that slam particles together at near light speeds scientists produced the first observed anti-proton, though it lasted far less than a second. It had the same mass as a proton, but had a single negative charge.

Anti-neutrons have also been observed, but since they have no charge, it isn't the difference in charge that distinguishes the particle. Instead, it is the spin that makes it an anti-neutron. All neutrons possess a certain spin. Anti-neutrons, while having the same mass, have an opposite spin.

An interesting aspect of antimatter is that in contact with identical matter, there is a total inhalation of both. In essence, they cancel each other out. So an electron making contact with a positron will destroy both the electron and the positron, releasing a great deal of energy. To understand how this is possible, we need to look at Einstein's law of relativity.

Before doing that, we should look at Isaac Newton's law of Conservation of Energy. This states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed, it can only be altered.

Einstein's law went a step further, and tells us that matter and energy are the same, they are just different sides of the same coin. By this law, energy is equal to mass times the speed of light, squared. That number is enormous, and it is the basis of atomic power, as we know it today. The thing is that atomic power is less than 20% efficient, meaning that most of the power created can't be used. For comparison, though, a light bulb is less than 1% efficient, most of the excess being converted to heat. (The same is true in a nuclear reactor.)

However, since matter and antimatter totally destroy one another on contact, there is 100% efficiency. Put in another way, if we could figure out how to combine 1 gram of water and 1 gram of anti-water, and harness all the resultant energy, we could produce enough energy in that one exchange to power the electrical needs of this planet for the next thousand years!

Science is working feverishly to try to figure out a way to do this. The obstacles are many and great, such as how to create the anti-water to begin with, and how to contain it without causing a detonation prematurely. Still, the rewards are clearly worth the effort.

In any event, antimatter is a fascinating substance that is nowhere near being fiction. We know it exists, and probably in great quantities naturally. The question is; so now what?


NASA: New and Improved Antimatter Spaceship for Mars Missions

http://www.spaceref.com/news/viewpr.html?pid=19597 

Most self-respecting starships in science fiction stories use antimatter as fuel for a good reason - it's the most potent fuel known. While tons of chemical
fuel are needed to propel a human mission to Mars, just tens of milligrams of antimatter will do (a milligram is about one-thousandth the weight of a piece of the original M&M candy).

However, in reality this power comes with a price. Some antimatter reactions produce blasts of high energy gamma rays. Gamma rays are like X-rays on steroids. They penetrate matter and break apart molecules in cells, so they are not healthy to be around. High-energy gamma rays can also make the engines radioactive by fragmenting atoms of the engine material.

The NASA Institute for Advanced Concepts (NIAC) is funding a team of researchers working on a new design for an antimatter-powered spaceship that avoids this nasty side effect by producing gamma rays with much lower energy.






Antimatter is sometimes called the mirror image of normal matter because while it looks just like ordinary matter, some properties are reversed. For example, normal electrons, the familiar particles that carry electric current in everything from cell phones to plasma TVs, have a negative electric charge. Anti-electrons have a positive charge, so scientists dubbed them "positrons".
When antimatter meets matter, both annihilate in a flash of energy. This complete conversion to energy is what makes antimatter so powerful. Even the nuclear reactions that power atomic bombs come in a distant second, with only about three percent of their mass converted to energy.

NEED MORE INFORMATION? 

 Consider reading these articles:

http://news.cnet.com/8301-11386_3-20023258-76.html 

http://www.dw-world.de/dw/article/0,,6299767,00.html

http://www.cavalierdaily.com/2010/12/01/scientists-devise-magnetic-field-to-advance-studies-of-antimatter/

http://hken.ibtimes.com/articles/85083/20101124/antimatter-trap-cern.htm